| Question, question. |
[Aug. 11th, 2008|03:25 pm] |
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So, I've put a finger on my greatest weakness...
I'm scared of placing myself in positions that make me vulnerable, weak, and "the lower person."
Scared of allowing my self-esteem drop even lower than it already was.
Because of that -
Suddenly I'm scared of being a relationship, being emotionally attached to anyone - even God sometimes. That idea of surrending every bit of me to someone so great scared the crap out of me. The idea of ever having to give myself to someone scares me. The idea of being weak, broken... I'm too strong headed, or maybe it's too jaded... to do it.
So, in this case, what do I do?
Sorry I've become so constant in updating so frequently...and being incredibly emotional... |
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| Lost |
[May. 9th, 2008|09:10 pm] |
seriously.
seriously.
i'm lost.
i don't know what im doing. |
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| Ainsley says. |
[Apr. 30th, 2008|02:10 am] |
Ainsley says...
she is done complaining
she is done being weak
she is done being sad
she is done being walked all over
she is done living her life for someone else
she is done caring what other people think
she is done being self-conscious
she is done beating herself done
she is done falling behind
she is done caring - period.
but
Ainsley does...
just the opposite. |
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| This is how I feel. |
[Apr. 29th, 2008|12:22 am] |
a;lskdjfl;ajsfl;kjasl;kdfjl;aksjdfl;kajsl;dfkjal;skdjflka;sjdflk;ajsdf
the end. |
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| haha...great |
[Mar. 9th, 2008|01:11 pm] |
no worries
no regrets. |
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| Insecurities. |
[Mar. 4th, 2008|11:24 pm] |
Sometimes I feel...
-impossible
-difficult to be understood
-unlovable
-skin-deep
-unintelligent
-distant
-narrow-minded
-too conservative
-easily influenced
-lonely
-needing reassurance
-low
-confused
-lost
Mm. I feel a number of those things right now.
God, where are you? |
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| Loss of Beauty |
[Feb. 29th, 2008|09:17 pm] |
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When you hear a song, see a piece of artwork, read an amazing novel, watch a ballet, take a picture...what do you think? Do you take it for what you see or do you imagine what the person was feeling? Think about the beauty of his or her vulnerability behind it all? The willingness to expose? The courage to be honest, truthful...? Mm. |
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| Invisible Children |
[Feb. 26th, 2008|11:20 pm] |
I finally watched the video.
This is the result of my thoughts, emotions...etc. etc.
 |
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| Pitter Patter Thinking |
[Jan. 24th, 2008|04:45 pm] |
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When it rains, the grounds reflect the lights as muddled designs, and perfect shapes become streaks or drops of food coloring in the puddles. The leaves then are scattered in inconsistent patterns and gathered in figures all over the sidewalks. The air is crisp and the water droplets feel so refreshing as they roll down my nose. A slight breeze caresses my face, and I am content. As it seems, I've always been one to think too much, to care too much, to observe too much, and to love too much; yet, on a rainy day, I find it all to be alright to do. Embracing and noticing the little things in life, not only on a rainy day, makes the bigger picture so much more beautiful and so much more fulfilling. Instead of tasting the bitterness of coffee before cream and sugar, smell the rich bold aroma and feel the warmth of noise surrounding you as you sit in the coffee shop. That cup of chocolatey brown doesn't seem so bad anymore, does it? Mm, hand me a cup of rainy day, please - it's time to live my life. |
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| Last day |
[Sep. 23rd, 2006|05:03 pm] |
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Hong Kong & Taiwan!!
It rained almost everyday!
Both planes were delayed - waited an extra 2 hours each time.
Took those wonderful studio pictures.
Came back from Taiwan on Tuesday.
Surprisingly lost weight instead of gained - unhealthy! :[
Jetlag lasted 1 day/night.
Had IHOP for breakfast 2 days in a row.
Caramel Banana French Toast is <3
Coffee and orange juice first thing in the morning :]
Irvine is completely empty and boring - no one's around.
I've become obsessed with Jay Chou's new CD.
My driving has become rather rusty again, so stay away from the Irvinian streets.
I went to NHS yesterday and it was weird parking in the visitor spot
I am now an "ex-senior" as Ms. Teverbaugh called me.
No more parking in the spot next to the boy I used to like. (Not Gerasin)
My mom claims that a Christian sorority would be just an excuse for me to party,
so rushing any sororities is a no-no, I guess.
I think I'll be going to the Newsong Church in LA with Henry
and joining either Intervarsity or this other one that I forgot.
Not ready for my dance or orchestra auditions.
Dance teacher says I need to find an alter-ego - how interesting.
Printed over 100 pictures to put up on my dorm walls.
Nervous about meeting my roommates cause only 1 replied to my email.
I'll be coming home probably next weekend cause mom and dad said so.
Going on a LONGGGGG hike for my SEM 19 Geology course Oct. 7th!
Off to UCLA tomorrow morning - very excited about moving in!
haha, a very detailed entry. :]
oh, excitement excitement!
OH and...
allison's mom told me,
"confidence is winning half the battle!" so keep that in mind :D |
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